Hello everyone! First of all, I apologize again for not posting regularly. I have been lacking motivation to write and gaining frustration in my training each day so posting took a back seat. For anyone who hasn’t already heard me complain about it via twitter or Facebook (which would be hard to miss, haha) I have a hip injury that has been causing a lot of issues for me both in the gym and outside of it. About 7 months ago I had surgery to correct a labral tear in my left hip. In non-medical terms, the cartilage between my femur head and hip socket was torn because my bone was irregularly shaped which was causing friction whenever I did repetitive motions that would irritate it, for instance, running or lateral movements. The surgery was done arthroscopically which just means that the doc didn’t have to completely cut me open and instead went in through two, 1 inch incisions so that the recovery process would be faster. At first, recovery was quick and positive but that didn’t last very long. It was expected that by 3 months post-op I would be able to run regularly and that by this point, I would be 100% recovered. For just a bit more back story, I have been having hip issues for years, about 5-6 years to be exact. For a long time, a doctor was misdiagnosing me and treating based off of his idea that I had bursitis (inflammation of a fluid sac in the joint). I had 3 cortisone shots and an arthrogram MRI with lidocaine before I was fed up dealing with that doctor. I have seen a total of 4 doctors now, have had 4 cortisone shots, 3 lidocaine injections with MRIs, and more than a year of physical therapy. Surgery was supposed to be the last resort and final solution but now my doctor is talking about a second surgery…
It’s hard to describe how terribly irritated I get with this because my words only do so much in communicating my emotions and the vast amount of peripheral problems that arise in this situation. I know things could be worse and I am truly thankful for the activities that I am able to do but growing up an athlete my entire life, a debilitating injury like this really is one of the worst things I can imagine happening. I am scared everyday that it will never subside and that the discomfort and limitations will increase exponentially. I am not even 21 years old and yet I walk around with pain everyday from an injury that presented as easily treatable and has grown into something completely mysterious. I find that absurd.
So, the ridiculous nature of this gets to me and I go through the typical “why me??” questions but the biggest cause of stress throughout dealing with this is the physical pain. Along with that, the psychological twist that I hate feeling weak. I do a lot to appear strong, immovable, tough but this makes me feel helpless. There are nights I don’t sleep well because my hip hurts, walking is a frequent discomfort, and my training takes a huge plunge, especially if it is acting up; all of these things together strongly affect my mental/emotional outlook. I have discussed these problems with every doctor I have seen and a large part of the issue we are trying to solve now is the chronic pain. The level that it is at seriously disrupts my life and although it isn’t always immobilizing, the pain is enough to severely distract me and persuade me out of doing things I enjoy.
I still train because, why not?? The only time my doctor advised me to stop activity was after surgery and even then, it wasn’t for long. Now, especially, there is really no reason to discontinue exercising at whatever level I can tolerate because I am not doing any more damage- the bone that was rubbing together was shaved down and the tear was sutured.
My hip has been consuming my thoughts as of late and bringing me down more than it has in a long time. I hate having to constantly push through the pain and not knowing how to fix it or when it will stop. I feel tired a lot of the time and the prospect of another surgery is not helping my demeanor. This time around the purpose of surgery is not even clear, my doctor wants to cut me open partially as a diagnostic tool. Finding tears in an MRI is difficult so he thinks there might be another tear (although doubtful) or something he missed the first time. Besides that, he will clean out the scar tissue which he tells me could solve the problem, although I don’t really believe this.
I have written enough for now and hopefully I made sense but it isn’t the easiest subject for me to talk about. There is so much confusion and dissatisfaction involved for me that I either avoid the topic or wallow in my worries alone. If any of you have advice, suggestions, or any input I am open to it. Thanks for listening.